This line is also the title of one of my favorite songs by The Get Up Kids. But maybe more famously uttered by Pee Wee Herman. Right before the title line, he says RE: himself– there are “things you wouldn’t… couldn’t…SHOULDN’T” understand. To which Dottie so poetically replies, “I don’t understand”. I’m more of a fan of the song, although there are parts of the Big Adventure that are funny.
The song can be interpreted in two different ways: from the viewpoint of the one that left (we will refer to them as “he” going forward) and the other from the one that was left behind (this one will be she/her).
The first one’s obvious from the lyrics. He’s leaving and headed back home. The whole time trying to convince himself and her that it was always just going to be one night. What was possible was probably wrong, but he has to admit he just might have been scared to try.
He goes through a mixed bag of feelings: from trying to convince himself she would be the one to leave but he’d be willing to try, to not being very confident he can make it work. Then back into the fact that it was just one night. Even though the night was perfect, more or less. He’s leaving and she just has to be ok with it.
Now let's look at her perspective. Yeah it was one night but the rain had cleared, the air was warm and she was fully in that moment. Then all of a sudden he says “When you wake up, I’ll be gone.” What kind of crap is that? You told her to fall asleep, making her feel so comforted and safe and then you’re just gone? But you called her from a pay phone, so I guess that makes it ok. He did tell her to just let go because he’s scared to try. Sure, he’s going through it, but she’s the one that got left.
I always imagined them in a park pavilion laying on the picnic tables talking all night. Her eyes are getting heavy as he tells her it's ok, just shut your eyes. Only to slowly wake up as the sun comes up over the dew covered grass, with that sinking feeling she realizes he’s gone. It is always harder being the one left behind than the one that does the leaving. The one that leaves does so for a reason. Another person, a job, they didn’t actually care about who they left, whatever. But the list of reasons to be left doesn’t exist. That’s why perspectives matter.
The shared truth in this scenario– it was only one night. It doesn’t have to mean the rest of their lives. Fair. But it also could be a lot more than just one night, especially if he has to convince himself it’s not going anywhere… but also he’s going to call her.
Ok, so it doesn’t mean the rest of your life but it meant SOMETHING. It had to. Why else would he have been scared? Scared of what? His true feelings? Of changes he’d have to make? She obviously trusted him enough to fall asleep so she felt SOMETHING. Their life perspectives matched for that one night, and maybe even beyond. But I think reality won the day. What was possible was wrong. But it still hurts being left behind and losing that piece forever.
Feelings are real and many decisions are made on emotion. They aren’t always wrong, gut feelings have proven to be life savers. But oftentimes making decisions solely based on emotion leads to a degree of regret down the road even if you aren’t completely dissatisfied.
As you get older you want more from life. You rediscover a passion you once had, find a new hobby or immerse yourself in an expressive outlet that’s kind of niche. The people around you might be supportive but you know they don’t understand or appreciate it like you do. So you find yourself naturally gravitating to others who you can share what interests you freely. It is important to have things outside of family, work and the mundane to invest time in. So when it’s not valued as highly by the ones closest to you, a part of you starts to wonder if you’re in the right place.
Again, many aren’t even dissatisfied with their life as a whole, but still that electric feeling from a new connection can’t be denied. I think we’ve all had that moment with someone and then get jolted back to reality. Sometimes it’s hard to come back from that. Feelings are real and need to be explored. Not necessarily by acting on those feelings, but by seeing it through a pragmatic lens.
I am guilty of romanticizing a lot of things (I mean I am writing an in-depth analysis of a 3 minute song) and get lost in my thoughts. I have those dreams of living on the road and seeing the country like a cliche’ college student on a gap year. I get lost in how I would survive and what I would want to see. How long I can make it with what I have on my back in the woods. The image I want to project of myself in a different timeline. Sometimes it lasts, days, weeks or months and it’s hard to bring myself back to reality.
But “one night” or a brief moment in time doesn’t, it can’t, mean the rest of my life. I would have to give up a lot in my life to do that. I would have to give up on the people I love and the people that count on me. I acknowledge those feelings and don’t ignore them because that’s also not healthy. I share them with those closest to me and just accept it if they tell me “I don’t understand”.
That doesn’t mean they don’t care, or don’t want to hear it, they simply don’t understand. But guess what, I bet there are things you don’t understand about them. The trouble is not in sharing hard feelings. The trouble starts when you stop sharing and shut things down. Things that make you uncomfortable or are hard to talk about. Consider others’ perspectives before you cast judgment. Your own perspective might be the issue. Keep talking.